In keeping with the spirit of the season, here are the first (and possibly last) annual Suburban Rogue predictions for the New Year:1. Dodge Trucks and Burger King will continue to outdo themselves with their inane television advertising campaigns, forcing the FCC to permanently ban these two companies from the airwaves.
2. Even though they will have a new coach, The Denver Broncos will be renamed the "Enver Broncos" as they will continue to have no D.
3. My boss will do something to annoy me. In a mature act of retaliation, I will do something to annoy him even more. I will then be called into the “woodshed” for a record-breaking 23rd time.
4. My beloved Colorado Buffaloes will win 8 games this year, as long as the guaranteed victory in the spring game is included in the total.
5. The vast readership of Suburban Rogue will continue to expand, reaching the big four-three by the end of the year. Sadly, the advertising revenue, currently at $2.34, will not.
6. Vocalist/bassist Peter Cetera and drummer Danny Seraphine will rejoin Chicago and the band will launch a long-awaited reunion tour. The overwhelming response to the tour will force Mick, Keith, and the boys to consider retirement.
7. I will finally master switching from a G-chord to C-chord and back again. My guitar instructor will be hailed as the greatest music teacher ever.
8. Americans will continue to struggle with simple mathematical concepts, similar to the person I overheard at the movie theater talking about the 360-degree plot twist in the film he had just seen. In a related incident, another person said they had “paid $47 for 5 people, so it came to 9 bucks a person.”
9. I will finally figure out what a dangling participle is, and choose not to have mine removed.
Happy New Year!
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