With the Super Bowl coming up I thought I’d name this issue of Suburban Rogue using Roman Numerals. It’s the XVIIth best idea I ever had.
I’ve observed a lot of unusual things in the past couple of months and I’ve been delaying writing about them because I couldn’t seem to organize them into a coherent, well written narrative. Then, I thought, “Why worry about that now…”
So here goes…
I was at the grocery store recently when I passed a petite 30-ish woman doing overhead presses with two six-packs of V8 juice and talking to herself while briskly walking down the aisle. I also noticed she had very well defined biceps and triceps. So I now drink V8 juice, but it’s V8 light, since I’m not strong enough to do the overhead presses with the regular version.
The other day Mrs. R and I were at the local mall when we observed a man standing beside his pick-up truck while swinging a baseball bat. In January. In Colorado. His wife had their laptop out on the hood of their SUV, which was parked facing their pickup, and she was busily searching for directions. I offer no explanation for this, other than to say this couple had to be related to Delbert and Nadine, whom we met in the November 5, 2007 edition of Suburban Rogue .
Speaking of Delbert and Nadine, it’s time for another coveted Designating Underachievement in Marketing By Advertisers Selling Stuff (DUMBASS) Award. This weeks’ category is fast food, and the winner is Kentucky Fried Chicken for their new Hot Wings commercial:
We see a young lady bite into a hot wing and exclaim “Whoa. Didn’t see that coming.” I guess that’s a natural reaction when you bite into a hot wing and it, you know, tastes like a hot wing…
Earlier this year there was some tough weather up in the mountains, and heavy snows resulted in some avalanches that closed I-70 for a day or so, and stranded several dozen travelers. A local news anchor, in his gravest news anchor voice, intoned, “The avalanches were due to bad weather.” No kidding? Thanks for the insight there, Captain Obvious.
I saw a commercial on TV the other day for a product called Kinoki Foot Pads . Apparently you stick these things to the bottom of your feet right before bed, and toxins are magically drawn from your body, and collected on the pads. Hmmmmm, seems a little suspicious to me. What was it that P.T. Barnum said?
It’s also that time of year when nominations for Mother, Father, and Family of the Year start rolling in. Here are the early contenders:
Mother: To the mom who sent both of her kids to a local elementary school with ear infections and strep throat because, well, she had to go to work. Way to step up there mom!
Father: To the dad we saw at a local restaurant reading the newspaper while his two young daughters ate lunch. Hard to believe a guy with communication skills like that only gets to see the kids every other weekend…
Family: To the family at the local mega-warehouse store for looking to the future. When Junior asked if he could have a book, Mom said “You never read those damn books!” And Dad chimed in “You can use your own money to buy books. We’re only going to buy you the essentials.”
The future is bright, indeed…
