The month’s coveted DUMBASS (Designating Underachievement in Marketing By Advertisers Selling Stuff) Award goes to Cheezit for their “Talking Cheese Wheels” commercial. No more two-martini lunches for the ad execs on the Cheezit account…
Okay, that was quick. Anyway, imagine a well-written transition paragraph right here…
In honor of Mrs. R’s four recent knee surgeries (2 scopes, 2 partial knee replacements, one of each per knee) and my lingering back troubles, Casa Del Rogue has been renamed the Littleton Knee and Spine Center. Mrs. R is almost three weeks past knee replacement #2 and is recovering quite nicely. The Orthopedic Clinic, Surgery Center and Hospital are also enjoying a recovery of sorts, thanks to Mrs. R’s determination to “single-handedly revive the health care sector of the economy…”
Mrs. R is one tough cookie and has worked very hard on her physical therapy. Soon she will have two fully functional bionic knees which means I am in serious trouble...
While Mrs. R was going through this knee replacement business, I developed some lower back problems which have been variously diagnosed as a bulging disc, muscle-skeletal imbalance, or old age. After several weeks of whining and complaining I finally broke down and went to the doctor. The prescribed treatment consists of steroids and physical therapy. I’ve finished the steroids and they really helped - I didn’t even develop overly large muscles. Like that was ever really a concern…
Physical therapy basically consists of a very muscular therapist contorting my body into positions for which it was not designed. He is annoyingly good-natured and encouraging, and also very good at his job. My back is feeling better, but there is still a ways to go. Before long I’ll have to find something else to complain about...
The end of November always means it’s time for a trip to the dermatologist. Ever since a little problem showed up a few years ago, I’ve had to go in for annual check-up. Usually this is a breeze, and I’m in and out in a few minutes. Usually…
I had a little bump on my arm and some red spots on my face that I wanted the doctor to look at. So they shot my arm full of Novocain and then took a tissue sample to send off to the lab, leaving me with a crater in my right arm. I was a big boy and did not cry, or even tear up, during this procedure. I thought that would at least earn me a Snoopy band aid or a lollipop, but no such luck…
Anyway, I pulled myself together after that setback and got ready for the cryotherapy treatment of the red spots on my face. Cryotherapy consists of the doctor spraying liquid nitrogen on the affected area. For those of you keeping score at home, nitrogen becomes a liquid at negative 321 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s right, negative 321.
I’ve had this treatment before, on some small spots on my nose, and it was a quick little spray, a brief sting and that was it. No big deal.
In the interim, I had developed a couple of large reddish-brown spots on my face that a year ago were “nothing to worry about.” One year later they had become more of a concern, so the doctor decided that he should treat them with the liquid nitrogen.
I naively thought there were just a couple of small areas within the larger spots that he was worried about. Not surprisingly, I was wrong…
The doc mistook my face for the front fender of ’57 Chevy in need of a paint job and hosed me down real good with the liquid nitrogen. It hurt like a “word you can’t use in a family blog…” This time I did tear up, effectively ruining any shot at the Snoopy band aid…
I left his office looking like I had been in a bar fight, with two large swollen red welts on my face. I noticed people averting their eyes when they saw me, and normally docile dogs growling and baring their fangs as I walked by.
Mrs. R. said she thought the welts actually improved my appearance, since “they kinda balance out all of the other knots in your head.”
So you know, at least I got that goin’ for me.
Which is nice…
Happy Holidaze everybody!
