Time for some more ranting.As was originally reported in the August 5, 2007 edition of Suburban Rogue , “I have noticed that a lot of my mishaps seem to involve food.”
OK, I have to say that I’m tired of being graded on my food choices by wait-staff. I have enough trouble in my life just trying to get my socks to match and make sure my shirt is tucked in. I don’t need my menu selections critiqued.
Recently I went to lunch with a friend who ordered some kind of chicken thingy. The waitress applauded the selection and said “That is an excellent choice; it is one of the best things on the menu. You obviously know a great deal about food, are wise beyond your years, and are a likely candidate for sainthood.”
The waitress then looked at me and asked to take my order. Beads of sweat began to form on my brow, and my stomach began to churn. It was that same feeling I remember from the third grade when I got called on to present my book report that I hadn’t done…
I thought about, in order to show my sophistication, ordering Steak Tartar medium-well, but decided not to because of the whole cholesterol thing. So, in a quivering voice, I said “I’d like the turkey sandwich on whole wheat, with a side of coleslaw.”
Well, I got a “Hmmm, interesting choice” and watched the waitress turn and walk away, shaking her head, pointing at our table and saying something to make the other restaurant employees and patrons laugh.
Humiliated, I ate my lunch in silence as my friend was celebrated for making such a wonderful lunch choice. I have to admit the fighter jet flyover and parade were a bit much for just ordering a chicken thingy…
There is an epidemic sweeping my office.
Do I like it? No.
Do I hope it will end soon? Yes.
In case you haven’t figured it out, the epidemic it is known as Interviewyourselfitis.
Most of the big shots at my office are afflicted with this malady, and it is most apparent during large meetings where they have to speak. It’s an effective technique, and can give the illusion of allowing audience participation as in:
“Do I think our budget is adequate? No.”
“Will the budget pressures ease by the end of the quarter? Yes.”
Couple this kind of self-involvement with referring to yourself in the third person and it won’t be long before you have a spot as a talking head on cable TV.
For example, Jim may say:
“Does Jim think our production level was acceptable last month? No.”
“Does Jim believe it will be higher this month? Yes.”
There is no known cure…
And finally, this story from South Florida.
It seems the Florida Marlins are looking for a few good round men to form a cheerleading squad.
Marlins Cheerleaders
It’s good to know that there is now a place for guys built like me in professional sports…
