Education

A few years back there was a very popular book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” written by Robert Fulghum. There may even be a copy lying around Casa Del Rogue somewhere. It’s an interesting book, with some good, common sense advice.

Recently I had the opportunity to visit Mrs. Rogues’ kindergarten class to talk a little bit about some basic principles of structural engineering, and to help the kids build towers using spaghetti and gumdrops. It’s a lot of fun, and exhausting, and educational. Sometimes even for the kids…

I usually start by talking with the kids and asking them a few questions; next we learn about pushing and pulling forces, and then we try and figure out if triangles are stronger than rectangles. After that the tower building begins.

I usually start with “Does anyone know what an architect is?”

Suddenly, the classroom becomes a cacophony of pint-sized Arnold Horshak’s, with nine hands in the air and nine little voices saying “ooohhh” “ooohhh.”

“Bobby, you raised your hand first, what is an architect?” I asked.

“I think it’s something that can kill you,” he replied.

At that point I knew I was in for an interesting day…

One youngster, dressed in camouflage from head to toe, told me he was building a tower from which you could shoot a flamethrower. I asked if he was worried that the flamethrower might cook the spaghetti and melt the gumdrops, causing his tower to collapse. He looked at me as though I was the biggest dork on the planet. I get that look a lot, now that I think about it…

Another youngster told me that he was going to be “either a fireman or a trash man” when he grew up.

Mrs. R teaches both a morning and an afternoon session, so I stayed for lunch after the morning session ended. Eating lunch with a group of five year-olds is not for the faint -of-heart.

Five year-olds don’t eat food so much as destroy it. It’s really quite remarkable, and should be a topic for one of those PBS specials. Food gets on their faces, hair, clothes, kids next to them, table, floor, chair, ceiling, walls, and other places to numerous to mention. Some food may actually make it to their mouths, but there is no scientific evidence to support that hypothesis.

I tried to convince the kids that Easter Bunny lives at the North Pole, and only comes south to get warm in the spring. My theory is that he needs a place to keep all of the Easter eggs cold. They weren’t buying it, and were very vocal in their opposition. I felt like a Democrat at an NRA convention.

Near the end of the day, one of the kids gave me a treasure map, and said I could keep it. Right before I left, he had a change of heart, and asked for it back. I don’t blame him, it was a fine map.

As I said, all I really need to know…

Lost In Space

Daughter Rogue (DR) is a user of some of the Internet's most popular sites, including Facebook and Myspace. Because I'm a hip and happenin' kind of guy (I actually wrote that with a straight face...) I thought I would see what all of the fuss was about.

Apparently, to use Facebook you have to be enrolled in college. That seems somewhat discriminatory to me, but since I am unwilling to re-enroll, Facebook was not an option. I mean, after cramming 4 years of college into 5, who wants to go back?

That left MySpace.

Myspace consists of a bewildering array of menus, options, and personal questions that only a youngster or rocket scientist could decipher. Since I am neither of those things, I turned to DR for help.

She very patiently helped me set up a profile page. The profile page is where you list a bunch of personal information about yourself so other people can decide if they want you to be their friend or not. It's really not that much different from a middle school lunch room...

Another feature is that your friends are shown on your profile page, so everybody else can see how many friends you have, and who they are. So, the more friends you have, the more friends you get. Kinda like high school now...

You can also rank your friends. This works well for awhile, at least until someone cooler comes along. Then some of your friends are going to drop in ranking. This is a nice feature if you feel the need to piss someone off without actually talking to them.

You can also ask other people if they want to be your friend. For example, maybe you look at Bill Smith's profile and decide that he seems like a decent fellow, so you send him a message and ask if you can be his friend, hoping that he will add you as a friend too.

I was able to add DR as a friend, with only a minor amount of difficulty, and after being labeled a "Myspace disgrace."

After that, and flush with the confidence that only success can bring, I thought I would try and double the size of my friends list. I opted for a famous musician who has approximately 94,000 friends. I figured someone that popular would grant even my request, especially considering that I own some of his recordings and t-shirts. Well, not his t-shirts exactly, but t-shirts you purchase at his concerts, of which I have been to a few.

Anyway, my friends list still stands at one.

Damn I hate middle school...

Wild Nerds

The movie “Wild Hogs” starring John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy has been doing very well at the box office. It’s the story of four 50-ish men who head from Cincinnati to the Pacific Ocean on their motorcycles. They run into some difficulties along the way, and get into a bit of trouble. Mrs. Rogue and I saw the movie a couple of weeks ago and enjoyed it; the sight of some rebellious middle-aged men trying to relive their youth was very funny. And vaguely familiar…

I’ve been out of the office for two of the past three weeks, doing some field work. Those trips involved traveling with a group of 50-ish engineers, all of whom were, and still are, men. I’m not sure how rebellious we are, but we like to think of ourselves that way.

It was quite interesting to me how quickly our humor degenerated into that of a group of 12-year-old boys; with the main topics being gastro-intestinal distress and gravity-defying cleavage. Fortunately, no one laughed so hard that milk came out of their nose, but milk was not the beverage of choice on these expeditions…

If there is someone out there who knows a man that has matured beyond 12 years of age, please let us know…

Spring has Sprung

One thing that will become evident, especially as fall approaches, is my affinity for college football. It is, with one notable exception, the greatest activity ever conceived.

My favorite team plays up the road, at Folsom Field. I have been a fan of Colorado Football since I was a youngster. I can remember watching CU play Air Force in the late 60's, back when Bobby Anderson was working his magic for the Buffs.

When I was a student at CU, I had a buddy who worked in the athletic department. At that time, all of the football players lived in Brackett Hall, which is located across the street from the engineering building. My friend was also living in Brackett Hall, and one cold winter morning I had some time between classes, so I thought I'd stop in and say hello.

Brackett Hall is a long narrow 2 or 3 story building with a corridor down the middle of each floor, and rooms on either side of the corridor. The bathrooms are located near the center of each floor.

In those years the starting center for CU was an All-American named Leon White, who was 6'-3", 275 lbs, making him an inch taller and about 70 lbs heaver than me.

Anyway, as I entered Brackett, Leon came in the door at the other end of the building. Maybe, just maybe, with my down coat and hiking boots, I looked big enough to be a football player, especially at the other end of a long, narrow hallway.

Suddenly, Leon began growling, "wind-milling" his arms, and getting himself worked up into an advanced state of agitation. I think he initially though I was one of his football buddies, and he was messing with me. As we got closer to each other, Leon became even more annoyed, and I began to question my continued existence on the planet. I was not smart enough to turn around and leave the building, though it is doubtful that I could have outrun an All-American football player.

As we got to within about 30 feet of each other, an uncomfortably close distance in my opinion, Leon realized that I was not who he thought I was, and ducked into the bathroom. I burst into my friends room, locked the door and began piling furniture against it, and begged him to not, under any circumstance, open the door if someone knocks.

Mr White played in the NFL, and later became the professional wrestler Van Vader.

I survived my encounter with Leon White and became a full-time dork.

Anyway...

The Buffs are coming off of a terrible 2006 season, (2-10 overall, 2-6 in the conference), but hope springs eternal.

Spring practice begins on Monday.

Go Buffs!